/ Give Pizza Chants

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5608291.post-47810467787678158022008-04-27T17:38:00.000-07:002008-04-27T17:42:28.683-07:00/ Give Pizza Chants<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/evehorizon/2444401790/" title="western painted turtle by evehorizon, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3127/2444401790_24f1f7d9c3.jpg" alt="western painted turtle" height="334" width="500" /></a> Last night we gorged on pizza and chips to celebrate the culmination of a successful SAVE THE FISH campaign. In the past, we have always failed in our efforts and one or two trout invariably became casualties in our long-standing conflict (CAN MAN AND FISH EVER CO-EXIST PEACEFULLY???). But this year, we had sheer numbers on our side. And for the first time, women were actively engaged in the front line. Although I am sure they are too humble to assume any sort of trailblazing credit, the fact is, fish have ALWAYS died when there were NO WOMEN present. And this year, NO fish came to harm. Clearly, victory falls along gender lines, and I am a big enough man to admit I had no part in previous year failures to save the fish. Not to say that there weren’t some close calls. Early on, a rather large triploid got tangled in our warning lines, and jumped straight into the air, causing an osprey to swoop down and try to rescue the poor fish. But there was no danger. We applied years of NOT CATCHING FISH expertise and freed the creature before any permanent harm was done. We shed tears of joy, and still are. <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/evehorizon/2444706992/" title="lake by evehorizon, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2316/2444706992_d519304155.jpg" alt="lake" height="400" width="500" /></a> Sadly, we would have SAVED EVEN MORE FISH, but one of our soldiers was overcome with urinary intractability ALMOST AS SOON AS I SET ANCHOR, to the point where she was reduced to babbling, “DADDY, I WANT TO GO HOME RIGHT NOW!” The $200 of medical chocolate, palliative potato chips, soothing submarine sandwiches and various other sundries I bought the night before notwithstanding, no first aid could ease this weary soldier’s pain. Still, even in our momentary setback, there was no doubting the courage we showed in NOT CATCHING A SINGLE GODDAMNED FISH. FOR INSTANCE, I THINK IT WAS SINGULARLY HEROIC OF ME NOT TO OPEN THAT BOTTLE OF WINE ON THE TABLE THAT HAS BEEN TORMENTING MY PACIFISM FOR THE LAST 45 MOTHERFUCKING DAYS. Right now, I am working on how I can possibly save even more fish next year. I'm pretty sure it will involve playing golf. /brandon\http://www.blogger.com/profile/10450625039521910963noreply@blogger.com