/ thepenismightier \

links

I occasionally get the most enigmatic messages from someone who doesn't read this site (Hi Mary!) because in spite of all her PhDs and JDs and various other Ds hasn't figured out that I know how to haunt the internet like nobody's home. And my response is typical what-comes-after-beta male behavior: pen an equally enigmatic post about bar napkins or the burn of sunlight on bloodshot eyes or how to survive a sudden reversal of the Earth's gravity.

I swear to god, if the way to my heart isn't shameless flattery, by god it must be purposeful bewilderment. I can't tell you how many women have busted my will simply by virtue of their poor grammar or woefully misheard song lyrics or just plain, flat-out dementia. Not to mention the really hot ones. With or without the aforementioned qualities. Mercy!

That said, I am in a fragile, vulnerable state and must hereby declare National LURKING Day. I am requesting those of you who visit this site NOT to leave any comments, because, seriously, who doesn't NOT like to see a full comment box every now and then? I equate it to working as a speech pathologist and after a long day of dealing with pathological speakers, you get home to a house full of people who want to, you guessed it, speak to you. This is why you don't want to be married to, what is it? A Chef? A Marriage Counselor? Contortionist? I forget the joke.

Seriously, would it hurt you to NOT leave a comment? Shhh!

posted by /brandon\ 11:12 PM

Comments:

Hello Brandon! I am sad that I shall not be seeing you in Philadelphia.

[Comment]

Talk to you soon.

# posted by

Jill : 4/29/08 6:09 AM

This post has been removed by the author.

# posted by

peefer : 4/29/08 6:40 AM

Let it be known that I subscribed to this comment box and read Peefer's comment and laughed heartily. I can for certain state that it was funnier to me than to anyone else.

# posted by

Jill : 4/29/08 7:15 AM

If Brandon hasn't read it yet. In which case, I cannot confirm nor deny.

"Huh?" I ask myself.

# posted by

Jill : 4/29/08 7:15 AM

peefer has always been good at directions. i think it comes from the canadians' innate ability to read.

have fun in philly, jilly!

# posted by

/brandon\ : 4/29/08 8:10 AM

May I simply comment that I respect your hot mess wishes and will leave no comment today other than to comment to my lack of comment.

Tomorrow, however, I will slam you. And misspell everything.

# posted by

Jodie Kash : 4/29/08 8:27 AM

i am glad to finally be appreciated for my hot messes.

# posted by

/brandon\ : 4/29/08 8:36 AM

If I were to comment, I'd tell you I fully appreciate the hot messes. Or, really, anything hot.
Yes, I concur.

But I'm not commenting. I'm lurking, with my binoculars, waiting for the really hot ones.

# posted by

matt : 4/29/08 9:07 AM

I seldom do what I'm told. Hence this comment...

Sadly, I will not be in Philly either. Which is a shame because I really was looking forward to busting your will. Or busting a move. Whichever would have been easier...

# posted by

none : 4/29/08 10:31 AM

And now I must really be a rebel and comment again, since my old password renders me as "none"...
Laurel

# posted by

laurelcs : 4/29/08 10:36 AM

Here I am...not commenting. Hmm...as a Canadian, though, I guess by posting this I don't have that innate ability to follow directions you mentioned...oh well.

# posted by

Katy : 4/29/08 12:52 PM

yes, it would seem that i attract people who do not have much respect for authority. national lurking day is turning out to be an absolute failure.

tomorrow i am going to try national DO NOT SEND ME NAKED SELF PORTRAITS day. we're gonna get this right, people, so help me.

# posted by

/brandon\ : 4/29/08 1:00 PM

Like I said, gotcha covered for tomorrow. I respect your authoritIE.

# posted by

Jodie Kash : 4/29/08 5:05 PM

I am delurking today. That has nothing to do with your blog, because we both know I comment plenty here. Today, though, I will be delurking around your house. I lurk in the bushes a lot, and sometimes behind your laundry room door, and 90% of the time, under your bed. But in the spirit of National Delurking Day, today I will just pop up and say hi! I will be nude and covered in my own blood and shouting gibberish about President Nixon, but please, don't shoot.

# posted by

karla : 5/2/08 1:03 PM